last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
