I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
