She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
