Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
