Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
