do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
