I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
