After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This is my gift to your gina
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize