Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
