Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
