Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
