i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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