after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
