Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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