guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
