I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
