we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
