More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
