He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
