i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
