tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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