Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
