i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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