Plan B is the new Plan A
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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