if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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