Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
