You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
