I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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