She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
