so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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