Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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