I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
