i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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