Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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