If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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