Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
