The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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