I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
