when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We left the knife in your bed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
