I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
