the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
