im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
