this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
