I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
