New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
