Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
