You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
