If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I faked an abortion last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm too high and old for this...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
