he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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