I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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